all i know is i don’t [anymore]
for the past week i’ve been sleeping on the
completely wrong side of the bed wondering
why it is that i am no longer living.
i think about a lot of things but mostly i think
what it must be like to be pressed between a willing
body and a wall and lose myself in the scent of
someone else’s soap. i have read too many
books to believe in everything but then again i
have read too many not to, and if being trapped
between two hard places means i can forget myself then
maybe all those novels were right and i have simply
just not let go enough yet.
believe me when i say that i am trying, though a
lot of the time i get nowhere. scott said it best when
he said he’ll be fine when he gets it because
when two a.m. rolls around we all know we’ll be
aching for cigarettes even though we hate the smoke.
but if we can make it to sunrise it’ll be fine
(it’ll be good) and no one can take the high away.
there is a part of me that will always want to float
away so, if you are around then, just let me drown. don’t
kill my vibe - i’ve been rehearsing for years and
diving into swimming pools is better for my lungs
[in a way no one (else) agrees with] than staying afloat.
i can’t remember much, and that’s OK - probably
why i’m on the wrong side all the time, anyways. i might
not know a lot of things but i can tell you that i
breathe best with pressure on my chest and i want
to not want so much that it hurts.
forgive me - i’m trying